That fed up feeling...

That fed up feeling...

You know that feeling you get when you just feel tired, bored, sick of having to cope with the same rubbish or the same nonsense all the time? That's the fed up feeling. When everything begins to feel trivial and stupid, where day to day actions become a hard struggle and you just wish it would stop and that you could relax everyday.
It's difficult to describe it to anyone because of the fear that comes with it. Fear of looking stupid, fear of being told you're mad or crazy or sad or depressed... But you're not, you're just fed up.
I miss how things used to be when the hardest decision in the school year was who you would sit next to in your lesson not what you're going to do when you leave high school. The sudden realisation for me that I'm about to make one of the biggest and most important changes in my life does rather scare me. Half way through my GCSE's then off to college to study 4 A-levels in September, which would then determine what I would do for the rest of my life. Wow. That's a scary thought.
In exactly 1 month and 11 days it will be my 16th birthday, then soon enough it'll be my 17th and I'll be learning to drive then my 18th and I'll be deciding where to go to university and what I was going to do with my life. Frankly, I'm dreading it. Hence why I have made the important decision to live life in the moment, life for today and yes in the most cliche, cringey awfully hipster way you really do yolo. Yes, I said it, yolo. We only get this one shot in this life until the next, so why not make a pretty good one of it...

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Life is like a cherry bakewell.

So, I orignally had the idea that I wanted every blog post to have the same format, the same style, colour and layout, but I recently descovered the blogger app so I can blog from wherever which I find to be, totally quality!
But yeah, so life is like a cherry bakewell. You have your ups downs and your special moments. Your pastry cakey bit, thats your friendships, your daily struggles and everything you put up with just for the sake of putting up with. Its what holds daily life together and what you have to put up with whether you like it or not. The white delicious icing is the emotional times, when you have happy amazingly tasty moments when everything is amazing and you feel happy for the first time in ages, but mixed in are the sadness, the tears the heartbreaks and the struggles, and when life gets tough so does the icing and its bitter and horrible and you struggle. But then you get the cherry, the cherry on top. The laughs, smiles, the moments when you cry because something or someone is so perfect, when something goes the way you planned or you succeed in a life plan. But rarely people eat the cherry, and they carry on battling with the hard icing and crumbling pastry. But the thing is if you enjoy the whole thing at once learn to accept the hardships, evil forthcomings and tears as well as the smiles, laughs and happy tears, you'll see you really do have something amazing.

That comparison probably made no sense to anyone but yeah. I'm reflecting on life with a cherry bakewell or 5.its 23:14, it's been a long rough week and im tired. Excuse my ramblings. Just think about it. Life is what you take it to be, so make it yours 💜🎀

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The stress of it all

photo by Mohamad Itani borrowed from Flickr.

The stress of it all

Stress. Oh the joyful feeling of stress. I think everyone has felt it, and if you haven't then...stuff you!

So right now I think most teenagers are feeling the heat of exams, pressure to impress, stress of revision and coping with their home lives and homework and socialising and keeping up with everything...so some words of reassurance...

I can relate, on an unbelievable scale, how much it can feel like you're sinking, like you have nothing left to give. It infuriates you. You want to do well but you have no energy to try. You think you're doing fine, but somehow your grades seem to slip and you don't know why. It becomes difficult to concentrate, to focus, to get everything done.
Timing is hard to. Finding time to get everything done, see people, stop fights, keep everyone happy and so everything you want to do. It's so difficult.

Some days you just want to stay in bed, because bed is simple and sleep is your heaven...

But that's not the answer. Keep fighting, keep breathing, keep trying. Smile like nothings wrong, have fun and most importantly, ask for help! how can we help if you don't tell us! I'll always listen if you need a hand! That's what I want to do help! Just remember you are never alone, there's always someone even if you don't know it who can help you! 

Smile, you're beautiful and everything will be okay. X

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Finland, friends and forks?

Finland, friends and forks?

So my latest adventure to Finland was definitely the 'coolest' one I'd been on. Oh wow what an awful pun. Honestly though, I can say I never dreamt that I'd be flying out to Finland for a week, and the thought terrified me! If I couldn't cope with a typical British blizzard (-1 degrees and barely a dusting of snow on the ground) how the heck was I going to cope in Finland?!

On the platform in the freezing train station on Monday April 1st I decided to slump down against the wall and seriously wonder 'what the heck am I doing here'. The 4:30am start was not a good idea for someone who only rises out of her cave at the usual holiday time of 10:30am and even that's pushing it! I wasn't ready for the train journey and two flights over to Finland but I can't lie I think I was prepared for every disaster, every mishap and every unfortunate event that could possible occur. In fact I think that I would have been fine in an Apocalypse! My suitcase had barely closed and my hand luggage was a ridiculous size compared to my best friend Kat's tiny backpack.

Anyway, enough about luggage and the stupidly booked timing of journeys...

 

Finland was fantastic. We spent a week living in an 'inn' sharing rooms with Finnish and German girls and talking about everything and anything getting barely any sleep every night and leaving it until the very latest moment we could to go to bed. Every day was packed full of new things to learn about a different way of life and culture, laughs and giggles and a different adventure everyday. I did the music workshop and I'm so glad I did. Everyday I would spend hours with one of the most inspirational and fantastic musicians I've ever met, as he taught me new ways to play and new songs to learn!

 

I met some amazing people while I was there, and in a way 're-met' some if that makes any sense at all? The whole reason why I was even in Finland in the first place was because I'm part of 'IYF' also known as the 'International Youth Festival' which is basically, young people from the UK, people from Munich in Germany and people from Kuopio and the surrounding areas in Finland coming together. Every year we meet up at Easter time in one of the countries and we spend the week together having fun, learning new things, visiting a different country or just catching up with old friends and it's one of the best things that I have ever done. Literally. I only started going in Easter 2012 but I'm so glad I did!
Last IYF I met my best friend Kat who for the past year has been my absolute rock through everything and is now my adopted sister as my mum likes to call her ;) and not only that I met so many other new people. Then this year I got to catch up with them, get to know them even better, and after a year of talking on the Internet finally get to be with them again!

 

These two lads are the funniest and craziest people you will ever meet! Gregor and Claudio, I know you're going to read this so yeah ich liebe dich! Du bist sehr lustig und freundlich  und nett und fantastich und herrlich! I'm so glad that I met you both and thank you for doing so much for me when i was going through a really hard time! We spent all week catching up me, Gregor, Kat and Claudio and having fun and we have so many memories that will last forever! The long running joke of forking and ladeling lives on in England!

You are perfect and I miss you so much.

 

And these two girls are just amazing. My best friend Kat and our Finnish sister Anni! I miss you Anni and our 2am chats! I miss the weird breakfasts you ate and when you tried to learn the English accent :') 'I'm going to write a letter to the queen' asking her to let you come and live with me and Kat because that would be amazing! It was so great finally being back together after a year! I hope that we will see you soon because ermagerd I need you here!

 

The week was fantastic and I tried so many new things like going to sauna, jumping in a frozen lake and all sorts of new crazy food! I miss this perfect place so much. It's so different to home. I sat outside one night and looked at the stars, you could see hundreds and thousands of them and the air was silent, there was no police sirens or traffic noises or noisy people, everything was calm and I absolutely loved it!

 

It was a perfect week, I miss all my friends so much and I can't wait to see you again on my travels when I make my next adventure to Munich! X

 

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To begin with a goodbye

To begin with a goodbye...

So maybe this isn't one of the most usual ways to start doing blog posts but Joshy wasn't and still isn't the most usual boy!

Today we said goodbye to our friend Josh Unsworth. He was only 15 . I never thought that I would be saying a final goodbye to one of my friends at this age. It's unreal to think that I'm not going to see his cheeky smile at school on Monday or hear him across the corridor say my name and then nod his head at me when I turn around.

You were a selfless boy, you put all your own problems aside to help everyone, saying that you'd be there to offer help and support to anyone who needed it. I'll be honest, the amount of times that I sat and looked at your profile on Facebook thinking, should I message should I not and in the end chickening out because I thought you'd be too busy or think I was stupid or something. I should have messaged you, I should have been closer to you and I regret that so much now! I wish there was something I could have done to make it better but you were always the same old Josh, helping everyone else and keeping on a brave front for us no matter what you were thinking or feeling. You were absolutely amazing for that! You're funny sweet and kind and that's how we'll remember you always laughing or having a joke! Even in the school photo, pulling faces.. that just sums you up, the funny joker who we all loved.

You had a great send off today Joshy, I don't think that I've ever seen a church that big that full! It just shows how many people really cared about you! I know we weren't especially close but I'm really going to miss you Joshy! The church service was beautiful, I cried so much but I think everyone did! We could have started our own ocean! I did have a little giggle to myself at the altar though, only you could have a van and a massive smiley face made out of flowers, I've never seen anything like it! Balloons were let off at the reception afterwards. It was so cute, I hope you get to read all the little messages. We're all going to miss you so much!

Rest In Peace Josh Unsworth we'll never forget you. X

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So I suppose now I'm supposed to introduce myself?

So I suppose now I'm supposed to introduce myself?

So, this is always awkward isn't it, the first meeting. Haha, first the formalities? My name is Charlotte and I'm currently 15 and studying in my final year at school. I'm not entirely sure what for yet, but who does? My life career choices vary as much as a kids favourite toy from one day to the next!

This blog will be, for the foreseeable future, my safe haven for all my pictures, rants and funny stories, gossipy moments and tearful times and basically to record everything in my life, all the good the bad and the ugly!

But anyway, back to a little bit about me and the craziness that is my life. I have a wonderful family who care for me no matter what. A dad who works his butt off every day to keep his family happy no matter what he has to put up with. A mum who always cares for me even though i can annoy her, who will always go out of her way to help me whether it be with endless hospital appointments or just picking me up from parties at all hours of the morning. A brother who lives his life in a digital world, but always puts a smile on my face even in my darkest moments and a sister who restores my faith in humanity when everything goes wrong with her latest game obsession or Hollywood dream man crush! No matter what I struggle with in my day to day life I know I'm not alone when I have them.

My friends keep me going in my day to day life especially my best friend Kitty but as they will have post about post written about them I will keep this short. Katherine (Kitty) is my closest and best friend and the most amazing person you could ever ask for in life. She's like the definition of perfect, seriously look in the dictionary, see perfect? Yeah that's her picture underneath... She's stuck by me through thick and thin and I genuinely don't think that I would be able to cope without her anymore. She's my inspiration to carry on smiling everyday <3

Things I enjoy doing.... hmm... spending time with my friends, shopping, singing and playing guitar (my hobby of 9 years which, yes I will boast about based on the fact that I'm so happy that i actually stuck to doing something ;) ), travelling like in my recent adventure to Finland which is a whole different post, listening to music, drawing and arty things, meeting new people, i genuinely enjoy helping people and raising awareness for things that are important to me like Cancer Research UK and so much more!

For now that's all I'll say.... it was supposed to be a small insight into my life.... 'well that escalated quickly'. But yeah,

Welcome to the complicated life of Charlii Boo. x

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